The break up can be ‘painless’
Walking out of a romantic relationship and out of your partner’s life could be a tough decision to make. Some people find themselves in an unfulfilling relationship, afraid to walk away because of pity and fear of how ‘the ditched’ would feel. So they feel trapped for so long even when the red flags are very red until, perhaps, things begin to go south.
Although you cannot break up without hurting the other person, Nike Folagbade, a relationship expert, and Author of How I Got The Ring doles out tips you can employ to “reduce the effects it’s going to have on that person”.
According to her, to break up, the first thing you need to do is find out the reason you want to end a relationship. “Ask yourself why you want to break up with this man. Is it because he’s doing something wrong, or because you just discovered you have been with the wrong person?
“Sometimes we become emotionally unstable and confused about our lives, for some people, they just discovered purpose and they are asking ‘what am I doing with this person?’ For some people, they just meet someone else and they get confused and feel like ‘this person should be better for me’. Whatsoever reason behind your break up, make sure that you have a grasp of it so that when you want to relate it with your partner, you can use that as a benchmark.
“When you find the reason,” she said, “the next thing is, go see your partner in a public place like an eatery or a park, and not in a room or an enclosed area. This is to avoid any form of violence or dander. So, you choose an eatery or a park.
“The next thing you want to do before telling your partner you can’t do it anymore is to try and invest in their emotional accounts. What this means is that, you use a lot of positive words. Start by telling your partner how much he meant to you, how much you appreciate him. Think about five good things that you like about the person, and start by telling your partner the areas he’s good at. This would make him smile, and you’d have boosted his ego.
“Then, make it look like it’s your fault and not his, even if the fault was from the person. Make the issue look like it was all about you. Make it look like you’re the one that has the problem, not him.
“Lastly, you can now tell the person what you want. You can tell him that your values don’t connect, and that you have made a decision to move on off the relationship so that you can discover more of yourself. Tell him you are not doing it because he’s a bad person, but because you need time to really think about certain things,” she explains to Women’s Hub.
As much as this person wants to drag you back, they won’t go home thinking they are bad, or not deserving of you, or because something is wrong with them. This is because when a break up happens, the person puts himself in self-blame, he begins to feel guilty. If it’s a woman for instance, she begins to say; ‘maybe I’m not good enough for him’, ‘maybe he found a more beautiful girl’, maybe because I’m dark and she’s fair’ or ‘maybe because I’m not as slim as the other girl’. She will think about all the bad things about her and say that it’s the reason you broke up with her, Folagbade further explains.
“But if you’re able to boost the person’s ego, you’ll see them trying to make amends, trying or promising to connect to those values or be better, and not them getting angry”.
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